Saturday, April 1, 2023

Tom Brady Can Finally Get Around To Rebuilding His Business Empire After That Scumbag Sam Bankman Fried Cost Him $50 Million


While my colleagues recalled risking everything for Tom Brady/how important he was to Barstool, my first thought upon hearing was that GOAT was going to be retired for good (though imagine if that’s all just part of another Hulu endorsement deal?): time for TB12 to build…well, rebuild his business empire.

You might remember that Sam Bankman Fried and that chick who ran Alameda Research (that I always get confused with the cop who hits every guy on her turf) made Tom look like a sad businessman’s excuse.

A while ago I wrote a blog about how SBF fucked Brady better than Gisele or Veronika ever could…

It is estimated that Thomas held 1.1 million shares of FTX. While it’s difficult to accurately value the stock, Forbes estimates that Tom’s stake in FTX was worth ~$45 million…

New York Post – Tom Brady could face a rocky retirement financially as the NFL legend struggles to untangle his burgeoning business empire from troubled crypto ventures, including the doomed FTX exchange.

Last month, court filings revealed that Brady owned more than 1.1 million common shares of FTX at the time of the bankruptcy, while Bundchen owned more than 686,000 common shares. Forbes estimated Brady’s stake was worth $45 million before FTX’s collapse rendered it worthless.

To add insult to injury, Tom is being sued for his role in promoting FTX. Maybe he shouldn’t have pretended to be friends with a grown man who uses “heh” in casual online conversations?

But that’s not the only way SBF has gotten the GOAT dirty. He also helped him start Autograph, an NFT project that had objectively become an absolute dumpster fire. It’s safe to assume Tommy Football lost a huge chunk of whatever the heck he put in there.

New York Post – Brady also co-founded NFT marketplace Autograph – a platform that once counted Bankman-Fried as a board member and garnered steady interest from investors before a meltdown in the tech sector turned various crypto-focused startups upside down.

Autograph couldn’t avoid the industry-wide slump. In December, the Brady-backed startup called “market challenges” after laying off “dozens” of employees. [an absolutely pathetic publication] reported. Bankman-Fried’s name also quietly disappeared from Autograph’s website, although the exact timeline for his departure from the board was not clear.

And before you say “ToM is fine”…yeah no shit. Forbes estimates that his combined earnings and endorsements exceed half a billion dollars. That means SBF took him for ~10% of his total income.

Sure, Brady’s will be financially healthy, but that must hurt for a Michigan man who had planned to work in financial services if he couldn’t become the greatest football player of all time.

I wish him the best of luck in becoming a company, man…not just a businessman.

PS – Fuck SBF

PPS – Every day I send The Water Coolest, Barstool’s daily business and market newsletter, to a few hundred thousand stoolies/serious investors/crayon eaters. It hits your inbox at 6am and covers all the stories you need to know (not just Tom Brady news).

And now you can receive the newsletter in audio version. It’s available wherever you listen/watch pods…



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